Almost
by WindowChild
Summary: Five times Luke almost changed his mind.


A/N: This was just an idea I had. I'm trying to write as many of my one-shot ideas as I can, before I leave for France tomorrow.

Luke is fifteen. He's been at Camp Half Blood for a while now, and he is beginning to adjust. The bruise of Thalia's death has begun to heal, and he's growing into the box of "demigod-teen".

Things are going well, except for his constant, nagging resentment. He is angry, with no one and with everyone. But since Hermes is the obvious cause, he receives the brunt of it. Whenever his thoughts stray, Luke wants nothing more than revenge. Revenge against a god. It didn't work in the myths; it didn't work for Luke's destiny.

But without the advantage of precognition, Luke wallowed shamelessly in his blame. Plans of retribution bubbled under his skull, setting him with massive headaches of guilt and villainy.

Nobody knew. His pain came across as self-involvedness, and no one in his life was aware of how he felt. Except for Chiron. Chiron noticed the signs; he knew what it looked like when a half-blood got swallowed by their past. He wanted to help Luke, and yet something held him back.

Luke seemed different. He was more driven, and his fury seemed to have particular direction to it. His rage did not obviously blind him, and it seemed as if he had the ability to think amongst anger. Even if he lacked clarity, his endless desire for vindication did nothing but "improve" him.

And so, Chiron never spoke up. He never took the boy aside, and never gave him advice about 'daddy issues'. He knew them well, after all. But at the time, he had no idea how relevant it would all be.

* * *

Luke is seventeen. Still, he doesn't know what he wants from life. He wants to feel better; he wants to stop the torture of uncertainty. And because he is still younger than he feels, he thinks revenge could do the trick. Holding a power over the gods, even for an instant, will soothe his undying hatred. Or so he thinks.

But sometimes, he wants to let himself forgive. He wants to forget his anger, and forget his useless emptiness. His plans are ludicrous, and he knows he'll never act them anyway. He wants to feel complete, and he doesn't know how.

Whenever Annabeth talks about Athena, he wonders about it. She idolizes her mother so much, and he doesn't understand why. She's caught up in feeling grateful and in awe, and Luke wishes he could know what goes through her mind.

He asks her about it, one day. "Annabeth, should I… should I want to be closer with my father?" It is the most open he ever is, and he honestly wants to hear her response.

She looks at him, eyes wide. Luke doesn't ask for her opinion much. "It's – it's your choice."

She could have told him yes. She could have told him that the gods deserved respect. He would have listened to her, and it would have cut his string of vengeance prematurely. But she didn't. Her shyness pulled back her back, and she let his rage roll past her, allowing it to pick up speed.

* * *

Even after he joins Kronos, he has doubts. There are times when it seems like overkill. Taking over the world. But Luke's thoughts are far too muddled for him to register the cliché. He only doubts, and it's only a little bit.

He knows that giving Percy the shoes is the final straw. He declares treachery with them, even though no one will know for quite some time. With the stupid, stupid shoes he betrays his oldest friend. It's quite a price to place on such a small object.

And he wants to pull them back. A part of him wants to tell the stupid new kid that it was a mistake, and that he can't have the shoes yet. Sorry. He doesn't, though.

His conscience takes a back seat, along with all of his common sense. He could have taken an extra second, and thought it over. That extra second might have saved a lot of lives. But he didn't. He was fast and careless, and he handed the sneakers right over. It's the end, and it's the beginning.

* * *

Still though, he doesn't want Thalia or Annabeth to be hurt. They are very important to them, no matter what else is true. He tries and tries to save their lives, whenever it's possible. He wants to know they'll be saved; he wants the knowledge that they'll be safe.

Sometimes, he wonders about the company he keeps. They are cruel without reason, rebellious without cause. They want to destroy, but they have no explanation as to why. They know no limits, and every once in a while it makes Luke sick.

After Thalia joins the huntresses, though, he stops caring. She saved herself, that way, and he knows he won't need to worry about her anymore. She may not have joined him, but he knows that she won't be hurt now.

She thought she was saving the world, but she was only removing Luke's single seed of doubt.

* * *

At last, his sense triumphs. He dies a hero; he is the hero that the prophecy spoke of. It's a little unbelievable, that after so many missed opportunities he chooses the final to be his redemption. And yet, he still dies. Perhaps if anyone else had taken a chance, he could have lived a hero.

* * *

A/N: I know it's short. It's supposed to be. And there's a reason that they get shorter as they go along, but it's not all that important. Please review!


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